Dear Luis Jr.

Writing 101 Day 8 … Write a letter 

Dear Luis Jr.,

I remember Mom holding you and telling us you were our new baby brother. You were so tiny, hints of blue tainted your skin; I knew something was wrong. The eyes of mom and dad were brimmed in tears, and the nurses hovered around waiting to take you away, and they did.

You were placed in this special room that was supposed to help you; help you from what, I wondered.

I asked myself why you couldn’t come home and play with us. I wanted to show you my room, my toys, and introduce you to Clownie my blankie.

I wanted you to show you the rooms where you could hide when things got too loud, and show you the places where your imagination could take you away.

You were supposed to be sharing a room with me and your brother, Kevin not cooped up in that room with the loud machines, where you lived in a tube.

Mommy never came home, she stayed with you and we wondered what was going on.

When mommy and daddy told us that you weren’t coming home, but that you were going to heaven with God I didn’t quite understand.

Why did God need you now? Can’t we have more time with you? 

Life is different now, my baby brother. I still think about you everyday and how different life would be if you were here.

Mommy and daddy are not together anymore, but you have a younger sister, her name is Veronica; You’re a big brother! How does it feel? Being the oldest I  always felt like I had some kind of responsibility that I couldn’t quite reach.

I am older now, and still want to show you my life.

I want to show you how well I’m coping with my Bipolar. I want to show you all the amazing kiddos I have met and taught. I want to show you how strong our family is, even though they have been torn apart. I want to show you how different the world is.

You never got to experience anything outside of that small little room; I want to take you outside and experience wind for the first time; how it shivers through your bones. I want you to experience rain, and how it refreshingly cools you down on a summer night. I want you to experience the moonlight, and how it brings out a madness in your creativity.

I want you to see how similar we would have looked; Kevin and Veronica both share the brown eyes and dark hair, but you and I would have shared the light eyes and light hair.

I want you to experience human connection. I want you to experience the feel of a great big bear hug, and how safe it is. I want you to experience your first kiss, and that excitement you get through your spine. I want you to experience choking on air from laughing too hard. I want you to experience what pleasure you will find when you find someone you connect with mentally.

I want you to experience the pains and joys of life. The feel of a broken heart, so that you can experience the strength of forgiveness. The feel of disappointment, so you can experience the pride of achievement. The feel of sadness so you can appreciate the feelings of happiness.

I want you to be able to experience what it’s like in a family. I want you to be teased for being the younger brother, but admired by your younger sister. I want you to experience what it’s like when we all get in trouble together. I want you to experience what it’s like when you get into trouble by yourself, and you come to us to bitch about dad. I want you to experience what it’s like to sneak around at night playing pranks on each other. I want you to experience what it’s like to have a brother, and two sisters.

I understand that you needed to taken away to your next stage of life just a week after you were born, but I don’t understand why you couldn’t experience just these few simple things that life gives us.

I miss you baby brother, and I hope that you’re experiencing the out-of-this-world feelings and emotions that we will understand once we come visit you up in paradise.

Love your big sister,

Julie

3 thoughts on “Dear Luis Jr.”

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